Establishing a female dominated relationship.

Many men entertain fantasies of adopting a submissive stance visavi their partners. Some keep this desire hidden all their lives, but some manage to incorporate this submissive attitude into their relationships. If your spouse or partner has asked you to adopt a dominant attitude towards him. This text might give you some ideas as to how to establish your dominance

Breaking down the defences.

First thing to do is to examine your partner’s motivation behind the desire to be submissive. Is this something new or has he harboured these ideas for a long time ? Does he have a genuine wish to submit or does he see this simply as a sexual thrill ? A thorough interrogation is in order. A man is more prone to opening his heart to you when denied the comforts of clothing and physical stature. You could for example try stripping him naked in a cold room and make him answer your questions, him lying naked on the floor while you sit fully clothed on his chest.

His fantasy and the reality

You will want to have a clear idea of what you want from a submissive husband. If you desire an obedient man that does the housework while he desires a fetish queen to give him golden showers then you have to inform him about the realities of life. If he wants to coerce you into accepting his vision of the whole thing, then he has misunderstood femdom alltogether. You need to make him realize what you want out of this. Establish a set of rules and set the punishments for breaking them. Put it all down on paper, but make sure he memorizes it all the same.

Basic conditioning

Men these days are filled with an inflated sense of self-worth. This manifests itself in a number of ways. He might always be walking a few steps ahead of his partner, trying to increase her pace. He might be acting callous to her, he might be leaving his junk laying around the house. If you want to establish a female dominated relationship, then this is not something you can put up with. Whenever you see any signs of bad behaviour from him, he has to be told off instantly. Just as dogs are successfully dominated verbally, men can be handled much the same way. Use a sharp pitch of voice to scold him. You can combine it with some quick and sharp pain to make him pay attention. Pull his hair or put your nails into his wrist ,that will make him listen. And if he takes offence to this, he might not be into this female dominance thing as much as he has expressed, or he might just need more discipline !

Punishing your partner

A well behaved and obedient partner is a direct result of constant vigilance from the wife. Domestic discipline is not an on / off thing that can be tightened and relaxed at will. Adherence to the rules must be observed by the submissive partner at all times. Violations against the rules must be dealt with efficiently and without delay. Here is where the punishment comes in. This punishment can take many forms, psychological, physical, or even as one bdsm couple reported, monetary. Punishment should always be given with love, never anger, and should never leave permanent marks on the body or the psyche.

The tools of physical punishment

Most households are full of useful tools to be used to administer physical pain to your partner. Anything from a hairbrush to a flip-flop sandal can be used to spank your subbie. And if you don’t find the perfect tool in your home, you will find hundreds of instruments of pain in your nearest general store. A simple riding whip and a leather paddle can be found for a couple of dollars / euro on ebay, and they are usually sturdy enough for many hours of chastisement. But even a full assortment of a varied selection of professional spanking tools will not cost you much. A riding whip, a couple of leather paddles, a tawse and a couple of cat-o-nine tails are inexpensive to purchase and are sufficient to administer a wide variety of discomfort for your partner.

The method of physical punishment

The basic over-the-knee or OTK spanking is usually enough to discipline and focus the thoughts of an ill behaved and absent minded submissive husband, especially if he has previous childhood spanking experience. Start off with sitting down on a straight backed chair or a stool. Make sure that it is the right height for the job. If you are right handed, make the person that you are about to spank stand on your right side. A bare buttock spanking is more or less the norm, so if the spankee is wearing clothes or underwear, now, and not later,  is the time to pull them down or remove them alltogether. To make the spankee assume the spanking position in your lap, it is very wise to have worked out a short verbal or visual signal beforehand. At this signal, a well trained husband should bend over your lap eagerly and without hesitation. Now the spanking commences and does not finish until the submissive man fully understands the disciplinary purpose of the spanking and my irritation about his behaviour disappears. The exact technique and tools used are something that you will have to develop individually. Personally I find it very useful to set goals and quotas for my subbie friends. Make them submit to what seems like a very high number of strokes and slaps. I reward them for reaching the goals and punish them for failing. The actual spanking i usually start off with small strokes with my palm or with a small leather strap, followed by tenderizing of the buttocks using my long nails. A more thorough paddling comes after that. Tender skinned subbies usually start squirming during the first stage, which irritates me. One way to make a squirming spankee keep still is by making him stand on his toes, arched over your lap, with his fingertips on the floor on the other side of the chair.

Medical aspects

Even though it’s safe to administer reasonably strong strokes and lashes to the buttocks of a subbie, remember that the recipient of a whipping usually has a hard time staying motionless during the punishment. Do take care not to spank the subbie over the tailbone, kidneys or genitals, since this might be dangerous.

The afterplay

The moments after the spanking is finished are precious moments. The bad behaviour of the subbie that led to the spanking has now been atoned for, and hopefully, both the dominant woman and the submissive man are now at ease and relaxed. It is very benificial for the domestic training to keep a high level of seriousness after the spanking has ended. In my own household, my submissive partners know that after the spanking it is time for him to do something nice for me. This could be anything from giving me a back-rub to cooking a nice meal.

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The writer is an unnamed lifestyle dominatrix